These posts come to me at some really inconvenient times. Having just settled into a long awaited bubble bath, my mind starts racing through the events of a couple of weekends ago. My younger sister married a man who is her perfect match. And, I had the awesome honor of being her MOH. After delivering what I hope was a toast worthy of this special couple, I went back to my high school basketball days to perform a box-out, sprint and leap ending in the capture of the coveted bridal bouquet. First time in my life!
One of the things that struck me so much about 
this wedding, and my sister's life, really, is the overwhelming spirit of love that surrounded her in that place on that day. My sister is one of those people...maybe most people are like this...who has a solid core of friends who are always there. Since college, she has had an expanding crew of women who are as committed to her as my youngest sister and I are. And, I can't begin to tell you how much I have benefitted from that. See, I'm not like that. I have lots of friends, and lots of dear, dear friends. But, most of my friends don't know each other. They are spread across the country, and I see them, even the ones who live nearby, about once a decade, if that. We talk annually, semi-annually, when the spirit hits us or when we just need words of encouragement that only the other can provide. And, that seems to work for us...at least it has worked for me.
My sister and her friends, on the other hand, see each other regularly. They take annual girlfriend trips. They celebrate, console and support each other through all of the adventures, challenges and transitions that life presents...and they do it live...in real-time. They really are like sisters. And, they have become my sisters.
I consider my own girlfriends to be my sisters, too, but in a different way. I am very comfortable with my virtual friendships. I don't typically need to talk to anyone, except my two sisters, on a daily basis. I don't see a problem with talking when we need to, even if it's only once a year, because we just pick up where we left off or start where we need to. Just knowing that they're out there is usually enough.
But lately, well, for a while now, I've been missing the sense of community that comes with actually being in the midst of people you like, love, share interests with on a regular basis. That sense of belonging somewhere that comes with community is something frankly I don't really have in many areas of my life. Despite my charming, social exterior, inside, I really feel like a perpetual outsider. And, I sometimes wonder if my comfort with more virtual friendships means that at the times when I actually do want my folks near, if they will know to come. I thought about this a lot when my mother passed away. My sisters' friends were at the service or were at my home through it all. And, of course, I had a few who were there, too. But, the truth is, I didn't even have the expectation. Emails, phone calls, thoughts and prayers were enough to make me feel protected, loved, supported.
But, um, what happens when I die? Morbid, I know, but it's a real question. Now, in reality, it probably won't matter to me much then, but today, as I speculate about that unknown, I wonder if my life will be celebrated online and asynchronously or live in real-time. (I'm cracking myself up now.)
Honestly, it won't matter to me then, and I don't know that it matters a whole lot to me now. I have a wonderful army of friends who love and support me in the ways that work for me. The more important question, for me, I think, is if I am doing that for them. Am I contributing to the relationships in ways that work for them. Ultimately, I imagine that that is going to be the driver of attendance at my going out party. Not how well I was loved, but how well I loved.
And, what a blessing to have my own little sisters and my adopted little sisters as role models for how to do that well. Love y'all!
So, your turn...post your sister shout-outs on The Mama Spot.
Recent Comments